I want you to imagine waking up one day and everything about your life is different. You no longer have the home you made years of memories in, you do not have the vehicle you worked tirelessly to get for your family, and you no longer have a reason to wake up anymore. The family you dreamt of having your entire life is gone. You are left with just yourself. Nothing more.
On September 20, 2014, a day after my husband Corey’s 22nd birthday we loaded our 15-month-old baby, Parker, in the car on a Saturday afternoon and headed to an appointment.
We were just miles from our destination on a rural country road when we were struck at 87 miles per hour nearly head-on. That minivan we worked so hard to get now looked like a crumpled-up soda can.
My sweet baby who just celebrated his first birthday three months prior was now dead. The same baby I had just nursed before putting him safely in his rear-facing car seat was gone. My husband, my high school sweetheart had a fighting chance. We were both quickly flown to a hospital in a bigger nearby city where my husband later succumbed to his injuries, leaving me a childless widow at the young age of 21.
The pain of losing my family in a split second cannot be put into words. It is a pain that never truly goes away, it is a pain that stays with you forever. You are constantly in a state of feeling homesick when you are home. It is a pain that makes you feel lonely when you are in a room full of people who love you.
Corey and I were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to get to see our son, Parker, get his first haircut, walk him into his first day of school and eventually learn who he would become in this big world. Instead, I was reading autopsy reports and making decisions to lay my husband and son peacefully together in a casket so neither of them ever had to be alone like I was. I was simply trying to make sense of it all while trying to survive. My worst nightmare was now my reality.
However, my pain is not unique. Every day families are torn apart by selfish drivers who choose to get behind the wheel after consuming alcohol. Every day parents are left without children, children are left without parents, and spouses are left without their other half.
Every day families are burying family members because of something that was 110% preventable. Every day families are taking on debt simply trying to give their loved ones a proper funeral because their family member’s irresponsible killer was underinsured. Every day survivors struggle to maintain their financial livelihood due to underinsured motorist drinking and driving, the lack of programs and systems in place and the financial burdens placed on them due to someone else’s irresponsible behavior.
The truth is, drinking and driving is not a mistake. It is simply a choice. A choice that can flip a family’s world upside down and shatter hearts. Yet somehow drinking and driving is still socially acceptable.
We go to restaurants and see more than half of the tables drinking and then driving after doing so. We go to summer gatherings, concerts, birthday parties, happy hours and then witness the same thing. No one seems to bat an eye.
How was a multiple offender still on the roads able to kill my family? My family’s killer had a suspended license but how can we expect a criminal to follow the rule of not driving? When will drinking and driving not be so socially acceptable? What has to happen for everyone to realize how dangerous this really is?
We need to do better. We need to take accountability for our actions. We need to use our voices and bring an end to how socially acceptable it is to drink and then choose to drive.
Our laws have to become harsher. We have to start demanding true punishments for those who willingly get behind the wheel after drinking in a day and age where it is so easy to call for a ride.
After all, the average drunk driver will drink and drive on average 80 times before ever being caught.
The next time you choose to get behind the wheel after drinking, I want you to imagine reading an autopsy of your baby and significant other. I want you to imagine planning their funeral. I want you to imagine feeling homesick for the rest of your life.
I want you to choose to call a friend or ride share program. Two out of three people will be affected by a drunk driver in their lifetime. Drinking one, two or three drinks is still drinking and driving.
Plan ahead and let’s make a change.
Author’s note: This year for what should be Parker’s 10th birthday, we are honoring him and his amazing dad Corey by collecting birthday party supplies. The supplies will be donated to local crisis nurseries and the foster care system because no child should be without a birthday party.
You can find the registration links here at Walmart and Amazon.
