We’ll never forget June 26, 2015. That was the day that finally, after nearly 15 years together, our path to being legally respected as a family of three here in North Carolina became possible. That was the day that the United States Supreme Court issued its decision in Obergefell v. Hodges.
This month, we’re happily celebrating the 10th anniversary of that major, joyful decision.
You see, while we had been legally married since 2012 (we flew to New York to get our marriage license) and even legally recognized as married in North Carolina in 2014, our state does not allow an unmarried partner to adopt their partner’s child. And so, for her entire childhood, our daughter Katherine was only legally tied to one of us (Terry, who adopted Katherine from China as an infant).
We met when Katherine was just 3, way back in 2001. We met at our church, an open and affirming UCC congregation in Raleigh, and it wasn’t long before we started dating.
Things moved quickly, as they tend to do when you’re juggling busy careers and a toddler. After six months, we had a commitment service in the sanctuary of a fellow UCC congregation in the area. Roxie’s mom, who grew up Catholic in a small town in Mississippi, lit the Unity candles and we served Communion to everyone. It was really special. Looking for a free mini puzzle? Play the USA TODAY Quick Cross now.
Katherine treated us both as moms from the get-go. She called Roxie muqin (pronounced “mucheen”), a Chinese word for mother. We were basically an ordinary family. We cheered Katherine on as she grew up, playing soccer and volleyball. We attended church every week.
We never hid anything about our relationship, even in those early days, when there weren’t many role models or representations of same-sex couples in the news or in the media. We have been so touched to see the ways that our community and the country more broadly has opened their hearts and minds to LGBTQ+ people and same-sex couples. And we like to think that we have been a part of that evolution, helping people see that our love and our lives are worthy of the same respect and dignity as any other couple.
We’ve even seen changes in our own family. Several of Terry’s family members have expanded their thinking about our relationship. When she wrote them a letter coming out as a lesbian, many balked with fury and confusion, quoting Bible verses. They have come a long way in recognizing our family. That’s a big step forward.
The country as a whole has come a long way, too. When we first started dating, public support was extremely low — around 32% in one of the first polls that asked about same-sex couples marrying. Polling now regularly tracks support higher than 70%. A new poll this month even found majority support among Republicans: 56% of Republicans said they are supportive.
What seems clear is that for a lot of Americans, this isn’t about politics anymore. It’s about letting people live their lives. You don’t have to agree with every choice to respect someone’s right to make it. That’s what real freedom looks like.
We waited for Roxie to adopt Katherine until 2016, when she was 18. The Obergefell ruling was when we knew for the first time that this would be possible. And as we have moved across the state in our retirement years — first to Boone, then to Asheville — we have been so grateful to feel support and love from our community.
As we approach the 10th anniversary of Obergefell, we’re thinking a lot about how legal marriage for same-sex couples has worked successfully, including for our family and more than 823,000 other families like ours, according to new data from The Williams Institute. The impact of the Obergefell decision has been especially significant here in the South, since it struck down some of the last bans on the books. From 2014-2023, the percentage of cohabiting same-sex couples who were married grew by 21% in the South (38% to 59%).
Marriage equality has helped millions of Americans take care of one another, access important legal rights, plan for the future, and live with peace of mind, and stability. And that’s something to celebrate.
Happy anniversary.More: 10 years of marriage equality in NC: Asheville photo exhibit celebrates historic dayMore: Opinion: Change in attitude and acceptance of LGBTQ people became socio-religious movement
Terry and Roxie White live in Asheville.
