In some cultures, menopause is seen as a time to embrace the wisdom and freedom that come with age, and this is thought to be one rea son why women in those countries tend to experience fewer symptoms.
Say “menopause,” and most people think of a slow downward slide. That’s not true in some countries. “I am known as Maori, but we call ourselves Tangata Whenua, people of the land,” says Atarangi Muru, who, like other traditional healers in New Zealand, sees ruahinetanga (menopause) as part of a life journey to honor and prepare for. She leads a workshop called Kawa Ariki—The Goddess Returns—that offers different exercises and teachings for each phase of a woman’s reproductive life, starting with girls ages 8 to 12 “to ripen” the body for their “first bleed” and going all the way till the end of menstruation, when you become a wise leader. “Most patients are excited to get to ruahinetanga,” explains Christine Bullock, also a Rongoa Maori healer and teacher in New Zealand. “It’s a time when women come into their power. Many find their life purpose, follow dreams and ambitions. And for some, they start anew.”
Maori women have hot flashes, dryness, and joint pain like anyone else (and use natural remedies for each), and Bullock has observed that their main complaint about menopause is that they feel disconnected. Treatment includes counseling, karakia (prayers or chants), and multilayered body work using specific oils and balms to align and balance women’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy so they’re calmer, more connected, and in control, Bullock says.
There’s a similar mindset in Japan, says Melissa Melby, a medical anthropologist. It may be partially why women there report fewer hot flashes than here. The Japanese word for menopause is konenki, which means a turning point, like your first period and getting pregnant. “One big cultural difference,” says Melby, “is that in the U.S., we tend to medicalize a lot of these turning points and think, There’s one cure, and I need to find it. The women in Japan I studied expected physiological changes, but almost all of them said it’s a period of unbalance and that once you get through it, you will settle into a new equilibrium and it’ll be fine. That’s because old age is something to be embraced—you’re done raising the kids, maybe done taking care of parents, and so to some extent, each hot flash is signifying, Hey, I’m almost to that time where I get to do me.”
With that in mind, we asked women what they love most about being over the hump. Here’s what they said. O
First, the Obvious: No More Periods
“I never had a regular period. It was never consistent on how many days it would last. It was never consistent on flow. It was never consistent on if I would feel cramps or not. Bloated or not. This was especially difficult because I’ve always traveled for work, often to developing countries. So whenever I went anywhere—Rwanda, Cambodia, Haiti—I always had to reserve a ridiculous amount of space in my suitcase for products because getting them where I was going wouldn’t be easy. Then when I’d pack up for the day to go wherever we were working, I had to make sure that bag was stocked with what I needed—ibuprofen, tampons, pads. Then, if I felt like I was getting my period, I was like, Holy shit! I have to run to the bathroom.… Uh, can I run to the bathroom? Am I in the middle of a meeting? Is there even a bathroom within a mile of here? It was just an enormous amount of planning. And I remember about a year after menopause, I was like, I don’t have to plan anymore!”
Miriam, 57, architect, Boston
You Shed Years of Self-Doubt
“Perimenopause and menopause help you slow down and become mindful of living your life to the fullest. I started thinking about all the things I’d done in my life. I had been a nurse. I had been a litigation attorney. I became a stay-at-home mom when I felt my daughter needed me. I loved each one of those phases, but a lot of what I did in them was for other people. Now I thought, What do I really want to do? I decided to open a bookstore. It was a cozy and welcoming place. We had book clubs, creative writing courses, and events, like readings. I closed it after six years because it’s very hard financially to keep a bookstore going. But I did it. And that still feels amazing. Also amazing is the way going through this process that ever y woman goes through makes you com for table in who you are. There is just this level of confidence that you achieve.”
Robyn, 65, retired nurse, attorney, and bookstore owner, Latham, New York
Sex is Stress-free, and You Feel Good in Your Own Skin
“You get to have sex and not worry about getting pregnant! And, yes, you can maintain an active and healthy sex life. Your body does change. I gained weight. I’m divorced and I date, so at first, I was like, Oh my God, will I no longer be attractive to men? The answer is, they’re still into it and want to get naked with you. There’s a freedom that comes with no longer being consumed by trying to be a size zero. I really don’t give a crap now about a few pounds here and there. You realize that it’s really not so much about how the body looks, but how it functions. If it’s functioning well but there’s a little bit of extra padding, who cares?”
Carolyn, 57, attorney, Sandy Hook, Connecticut
It’s Me, Me, Me Time
“Menopause allows you to become selfish about your own self-care and sel f-love. It is a wonderf ul opportunity to learn about what makes you tick on your terms.”
Maureen, 62, school district manager, Celebration, Forida
On the Other Hand, You’re No Longer a Sexual Object
“The very best thing for me being on the other side of menopause is being treated like a regular person instead of prey. I never realized how much my life had been informed by the way men treated me like a potential sexual conquest until they stopped treating me that way. It’s amazing to have an interaction with a guy now, like at a grocery store, and not have to deal with him maybe hitting on me, or worse. That worry, that fear, was such a constant part of my life that I barely even noticed it. I spent my life from age 12 to 47 being hassled by men. It infected everything—my work situations, just walking down the street. But now guys interact with me like a person because I’m just, like, an older lady to them. Some women might mourn that; I think it’s awesome. I love it.”
Laura, 53, documentary filmmaker, Los Angeles
DREW BARRYMORE
In an April 2023 panel, Barrymore spoke candidly with Oprah about her experience with menopause.
