After taking my daughter to the paediatrician, I was left wondering if I want to raise her in a country obsessed with the right to own deadly weapons

A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I took my daughter to a paediatrician in Philadelphia for her one-year checkup. It was all very routine until, squeezed between a discussion about weaning and a question about baby gates, the paediatrician asked if we had a gun in the house. I was so taken aback by the idea that I might casually keep a glock in my knicker drawer that I burst out laughing. “She’s from England,” my wife, also somewhat taken aback, explained. “They’re not used to guns.” The paediatrician gave a sad smile. “I know it’s terrible, but I do have to ask,” she said. “This is America.”

Once we got home from the appointment, I looked up whether it really was normal for paediatricians to ask about guns, or if we just had a very vigilant doctor. It turns out that, yes, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that firearm safety is discussed with patients and families. Which makes sense in a country where there are more guns than people and where people get accidentally shot by toddlers on a weekly basis. This is the US – where guns are the leading cause of death for children age one and older, and where the state of Texas restricts dildo ownership (it’s illegal to own more than six dildos) but lets people carry a handgun without licensing or training.

Also, uniquely American? The fact that some people seem to think that paediatricians asking about guns isn’t an indictment of American values, but an infringement of their liberties. In 2010, a woman in Florida was outraged over her kids’ doctor asking this “invasive” question, and helped set into motion a years-long legal saga known as “the docs versus the glocks”. The National Rifle Association (NRA) lobbied to get Florida to pass a law called the Firearm Owners’ Privacy Act, which prevented doctors from asking about gun ownership except in certain circumstances. If a doctor did raise the gun question, they risked losing their licence, and a $10,000 fine. This turned into a protracted lawsuit (the only thing the US loves as much as its guns is lawsuits), and, eventually, a court ruled that preventing doctors from discussing guns violated their freedom of speech. Which was a small win for sanity: now doctors don’t have to worry about losing their jobs if they tell their patients that keeping automatic weapons in their coat closet might be dangerous.

My trip to the paediatrician was obviously not the first time I realised that the US has a dysfunctional relationship with firearms. However, talking about shooting while your toddler is getting their shots made the gun situation suddenly feel a lot more personal; I left that doctors appointment feeling very sick indeed. Did I really want to raise my kid in a country obsessed with the right to own deadly weapons? Was it irresponsible to voluntarily bring a child up in a place where 95% of public (state) schools carry out active shooter drills? A country where kids as young as three rehearse what to do if a gunman bursts into their classroom? The UK isn’t perfect by any means, but at least kids aren’t taught to prepare for the very real possibility their classroom might become a killing field.

Because this is the US, those questions didn’t have a chance to recede. Shortly after the appointment, 10 people were murdered at a Buffalo, New York, supermarket, allegedly by an 18-year-old white supremacist. About a week later, 19 little children and two teachers were murdered in their Texas classroom by another 18-year-old. On Sunday, six minors were shot in Chattanooga, Tennessee. On Monday, a 10-year-old boy in Florida was arrested after threatening to shoot up a school. It never stops. And there seems to be no hope that it’s going to stop any time soon, either. The US supreme court is about to issue its first major ruling on gun rights in over a decade – but the conservative court is widely expected to expand gun rights and make it harder for cities and states to restrict the concealed carry of firearms. For the rest of the world, looking on in horror after the Texas massacre, this is insanity. For conservatives, this is the US.

Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist